The Biggest Loser League

Well my first resolution is to get back on track and not give up. Often I get discouraged and just give up all together. Not this year, if I have to struggle the whole year then so be it. I have to keep my head held high and  keep going...

Now once I get back on tract my second goal is to get under 300 lbs...I need to be out of the 300's now...and stay out of them. It's one thing to get out and then go back into them but to get out and stay out is my goal. I want to be able say I 2 somthing rather than 3 somthing...those are my goals!

In the year 2009 I have done a lot of things...I gave birth to my first son. I started and stopped a gym membership, and I have lost and gained weight. I am proud of a lot of the accomplishments I have done but I am also sadden by the ones that got away. I am currently still on this self distructive downward spiral that I can't seem to get out of. But I wake up everyday starting a new. I need to just forget about the holidays and stick to the wii fit, eat as healthy as my budget can afford and try to be as positive as I can. I try to look back at what things made me successfull and I am coming up short on memory. I try to think of what makes me fall apart and still have trouble finding the true reason. I know the mini reasons why I slip but not the big picture...on the biggest loser people get to the bottom of why they gained the weight...well i don't know. My mom drank, my dad beat her, I had no friends, was always alone, was molested...I don't know...but none of that is significant enough of a reason to me. I was a happy child and I am a happy adult. I have so much fun all the time. I don't understand the main reason why I turn to food. I don't know if I can fix it even if I knew what it was!

But the year 2010 is upon us and I am very optimistic and looking forward to challenging myself to do whatever it takes to get this thing beat...I want to remember what it feels like to be big when I do loose those measly 5 lbs...so I don't put them back on fast and easier then when they came off! I love myself and deserve to be healthy as well as happy! I wish I just had someone here with me making this journey easier...to be here in spirit is one thing and helps but not when I am home and alone and eating buckeyes in the middle of the night just cuz they are there lol...Support can only go so far. I have to be the one to support myself! 

I havn't been posting my weight because I didnt want to admit to anyone that I gained. It is so hard to keep on tract but I think with me admitting my gain for all of you to see I will see the error of my ways and hopefully get back on tract...

With that I am now back up to 319. Sorry it is so late but I couldn't really get on yesterday, too busy. My husband bought me the biggest loser wii game and I am hoping that will help me at home with staying focused...