Posted by: Monica on
21:59:38 2008-08-31 I am hesitant to even begin, because I feel like I start this journey daily and have yet to really succeed. But what am I supposed to do, give up? I cant. The thought of dying and only being remembered for being fat terrifies me.
I dont know what is going to be different this time around, I just pray that it is.
Since moving to California, I have gained too much weight due to depression. I havent made a friend in like 2 years. Oh dont get me wrong, i have made friends but not that friend that you can tell anything to and they understand even if they dont fully understand. Make sense? So now because of my weight gain, I am too scared to go home. And Well--Im terrified something will happen to a family member and I will always hate myself for being fat...for loving food more than loving life, them, or myself. What is it? Why am I not fulfilled?
Its almost as if I hate life, even though I dont. I love looking up at the clouds, and laughing at silly jokes, and taking walks. I love life. I just hate how my existence makes people react. No eye contact. I always say that if you want to find out who your true friends are, just gain some weight.
So here I am. Lets go.
