Posted by: Jon200 on
I was relieved this week to have only gained two pounds. I have been on this rollercoaster of emotions since building up to and completing a move 7 hours away from my previous home. I thouhgt I had been strong and had been feeling good about my progress. Life hit me smack dab in the head. One of the reasons I moved here was to be closer to my parents. Dad is 90 and mom 85. They still live in the home we moved into in 1960. As soon as I got moved my dad hurt his ankle and he was unable to walk. It looked terrible. My mom has her last chemo. today for cancer diagnosed last winter. Currently being out of work, the tight finances, no real job prospects and being needed to help out taking parents to appointments and doing yard work made for a lot of driving and I was on an emotional rollercoaster. I am beginning to feel like my parents will not be around alot longer and at times it is more difficult to deal with than I thought. So I returned to the comfort of carbs. Wrong choice. Twice,I went into a local grocery store twice and bought a chocolate doughnut and two chewy bagles and ate them in a matter of minutes. I bought a couple of small bags of M&M's and ate them. Bought cheeseburgers and fries and then it topped off when I took mom and dad out to eat and we went to a pizza type of buffet. I lost it and let it all go. It was panic eating at its worst. On the way home I took the slow route. I stopped and got candy, Pepsi, another two cheese burgers, fries. I ate it all and threw away the evidence before I got home. It was the worst kind of emotional eating possible and the root cause of my ending up 230 lbs over weight. I could feel the panic. I knew it when it happened but was out of controll and feeling sad, hurt, angry. I felt like crap for two days Since Sunday night I have been back on track and feeling better. I have to learn to allow myself to experience strong emotions and not eat them. It continues to be a choice I make. I have come to far and will get through this and achieve my goals. I write this stuff as a testimony to the reality and power food has on me and the daily strugles we all go through. With everyones support, the power of God, and my own choice I will finally beat this and become the healthy man God wants, and my family needs.
